Coping with Change

July 29, 2021Leave a comment

Coping with change is difficult, especially if you are a 7-year old little boy who doesn’t understand life and, who doesn’t really want to grow up. This is my little boy…..the first child I’ve ever met that doesn’t really want to grow up, because when he grows up things will change. (his words) So, how do you teach your child to cope and accept change? Is this a coping skill he must just learn on his own as life goes on, or are there real things you can teach him?

The above paragraph I wrote about 3 years ago. Unfortunately, this was also the last time I’ve written anything in my ‘Life Zone’ blog. Life started, I got busy with ‘other’ things and I just didn’t have time / make time to write anymore. I’m not a good writer at all, but I like to put what is on my mind on paper. This is my way of processing things in order to figure it out and make sense of it.

We now find ourselves in a time of tremendous change and this question popped up in my mind again. The one thing that I’ve learned during this Covid-19 lock down period, is how easy it is to learn new skills or just rekindle old passions. As a child I always loved drawing and I started painting and drawing again. For some color-love please visit my Instagram page @tlgs.studio (The Little Green Shop)

So, to get back to coping with change. I’ve done a little bit of research and the one certainty that I could find is that, in live, everything will always change. We don’t have control over it, but what we can control is how to deal with the change and how to learn form the change. I’m a very organized person, who loves making lists and can very quickly think of the next arty / crafty thing I must / can do – I totally respect that everybody isn’t like that and for some people dealing with change can be difficult. So, how do you deal with change?

Firstly, realize that you feel stressed about the change that is happening in your live. Change and stress always go hand-in-hand. For a very young 7-year old this can be difficult, so I taught my children that whenever they are sad for a long time (day or more) or if they don’t feel well in the stomach that the first thing they must do is come and tell either myself or their Dad. They might not yet know what is stress, but they do know when they are sad about something.

Secondly, realize that all change aren’t necessarily bad, but it will always be accompanied by stress. Hence, the reason why self-knowledge / knowing yourself is so important. Know how you will react or feel during certain situations.

“TAKE LIFE DAY BY DAY AND BE GRATEFUL FOR THE LITTLE THINGS. DON’T GET CAUGHT UP IN WHAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL. ACCEPT IT AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT”

Being less busy

January 19, 2018January 19, 2018Leave a comment

When you live in the city (any city) you tend to forget how it feels to do less. Your every being is aching to do less, have more time, enjoy more, have more fun, but due to obligations it just never happens.

So……here is my story and the wonderful affect it had on our lives when we started doing less, being less busy, and just be…..I always needed more hours in the day of what is available, I was always late, I was always speeding (I had a file for all my speeding tickets), and I constantly had a feeling of being rushed. All the things that give you lots and lots of stress, headaches and unhappiness. I never had time to spend quality time with my children, because by the time I see them it was late and we still had to make and eat dinner, bath and be in bed on time in order to start early the next day and just do it all over again. We lived for weekends, when we can just have a little bit of less rushing around, however there were still the grocery shopping (which in itself is one big torture). Just imagine your Saturday morning start with searching for parking for an hour, shuffling in a grocery store because there are so many people, and then again standing in a queue to pay all your groceries for another hour. That is not a live!!

Luckily we are in the position to relocate anywhere in the world. I can’t really work anymore, but have lots and lots more time to do the things that really make me happy. (like writing, painting, gardening) We have lots of open space around us, about 5 hectare, no traffic and I can do my groceries anytime of the day. Even though our income has decreased by half, our well-being, happiness and quality time with the kids has increased 3 times. It’s nothing to just sit on the patio and just BE – the only rushed thing that I must do is breathe – other than that I can just enjoy the peace and quite and beautiful views.

When we have friends visiting I can immediately see who are the ones that come from the city, and who are those who know the magic of doing less, enjoying live more, and appreciate being unbusy. The friends from the city can’t sit still for more than 10 min, then they must get up and do something. Don’t misunderstand me, I also love doing stuff and hate it to not have something to do, but doing nothing sometimes is also doing something.

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Go into this week with the attitude that your peace, your health of mind and your heart mean more than getting everything else done. That your smile matters. That feeling rested matters. That holding the hand of your loved ones matter. So pause lots, function at a pace that doesn’t pull you apart. Honour the things that make your feel good inside, the things that make you feel alive. Give time to those things this week. Make time the fit it is, by giving it to what really matters to you. – S.C.Lourie from Butterflies and Pebbles

Please follow BecomingUnbusy. It gives my inspiration everyday.

Kids+HSP+The World

May 26, 2017May 26, 2017Leave a comment

Most of you probably know ‘Scary Mommy‘, if you don’t by now, please sign up. It is an amazing blog, which I, for one, cannot live without. I’ve recently read a post and could so relate to it….Struggles of Highly Sensitive Poeple (HSP). I always wondered why I felt so drained after my kids had a bad day, or I just saw a homeless person walking down the street. Now I know. Jill Smokler and her team of scary mums have the ability to post just the right content at the right time and every time I read an article I can so relate to it. Thanks to all the wonderful writers at Scary Mommy.

I absolutely love this feeling that you are not alone in this world with this ‘thing’ (being an HSP, introvert mum with an extreme hatred of any loud/noisy sounds) that you are struggling with. That made me wonder. How do you go about and teach ‘coping skills’ to your own children? How do you help them cope with their feelings, especially in today’s world where there is so much information going about. I, for one, really felt like a very bad mum, as every article I read tells you something else you must do. That made me think, and I realised I must just follow my heart and must decide on one thing and then hold on to that for life. I must make that my “life zone” when it comes to my children. So, here’s my list that I live by now. Note that as I haven’t researched every aspect, especially how you handle the more difficult situations, a second post will follow. I specifically talk about things like how to teach your 5 year-old what does Emotional Intelligence mean, or how do you teach your 8 year-old to really problem solve a difficult problem. These, I promise, I will research intensively and then share my thoughts with you.

But, for now, here’s my list of how I will raise my children, in order to give a better, kinder, nicer adults back to the world.

Some practical things:

I will always play their favourite game with them (reminding myself constantly that this might also change over the years as they grow older).
Read them a book. Luckily that will not be difficult, as we are all bookworms and love reading.
Ask them questions about their day, every day.
Become the best role model I can be; this means-
- always admit my mistakes and apologise for them,
- talk about problems and finding solutions,
- find time to take care of myself, only then can I take care of other.
Teach them values
- I will teach them every day to be kind, this includes to animals, people, and plants,
- I will try and make them take responsibility for their actions and stick to their commitments. It is always easier to just give up, but it is not always the right thing to do.
Teach them gratitude
- I will remind them to be grateful in everyday life, for everything they have or don’t have,
- I will teach them to show respect and appreciation for all people in their lives.
I will try and show them the bigger picture
- I will show them empathy, and hopefully, they will also one day comfort a crying friend and/or reach out to the new classmate,
- I will teach them about all the different people and their lives. I will tell them about all the different religions, beliefs, communities and countries,
- I will make sure they know that life is more than just going to school every day; that one day there will also be a life after school, after studies, after marriage and after having children.

So, here’s to Happy Kids+HSP+The World. Let’s teach them kindness, and the world might be a better place.

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Fun in the sun ’16

January 25, 2017January 25, 2017Leave a comment

For the first time in 4 years, we went back to my childhood holiday destination, on the West Coast of South Africa, called Strandfontein. It brought back so many memories, but most of all it was so nice to see my children enjoy it. They loved the freedom that came with a camping-at-the-sea holiday. I gave them total freedom and they were able to come and go as they please (but, as they are still under 12, with a strict clock-in time of 8:00 pm).

See the magic of the West Coast of South Africa.

The best part of a sea holiday is the new friends you make.

Then there is the most beautiful beaches and views.

Last, but not least is the best sunset….

xmas ’16

November 29, 2016November 29, 2016Leave a comment

Wow…and so 2016 also comes to an end. For this year we don’t have a lot of words, let’s face it, it was a rough year. At least we have something to look forward too…….sun, sea and family time.

Leave the Trump at home, forget Brexit, after all, most of the people didn’t even know what is the meaning, as the question “What is the EU?” has spiked in popularity online. Pray for all in the Isis attacks and send your kids overseas to study. After all, who can learn anything during the chaos that came with FeesMustFall?

Enjoy, love and cherish everyone close to you, and let’s try to make 2017 awesome.

We promised ourselves that one day when the kids are old enough, we will have our white Xmas. In the meantime, we can only dream.

There is absolutely nothing more magical than a white Xmas.

We just came back from a Xmas tree hunt…literally searching the forest for the best natural, live Xmas tree. I’m not a big fan of all the plastic, fake decorations in the shops. I prefer the homemade, real decorations with character, and made with love.